I was not totally convinced on the 21st May 2010 that living in a Halfway House was going to do it for me although I had total ruined my normal home life. My wife hated me around and we spent all of our time fighting and not healing from the pains my addiction caused. I was in therapy and working the programme seriously but life at home did not keep up with me. I felt that I could not breathe and needed space to lick my own wounds before I could attend to the wounds of my family. Rebuilding my life in the middle of this volcanic eruption was not working, so I surrendered to the idea of moving into a Halfway House. I still resented the idea and hated the thought of giving up what I had. I worked so hard to build my home but my presence was no longer welcomed and I could no longer mentally abuse my wife. This was going to be tough because it was not home for crying out loud. I am an adult and I resented having people telling me what to do, when to go, when to come, where to sleep and how to behave. Why should I be subjected to this at my age?

Having very little choice, I could venture out on my own and risk relapse or take the Halfway House option. I opted for the security of the Halfway House because it was the foundation I needed to support my recovery and cement the cracks in my relationship. My family was the most important thing in my life and this option made sense.
After about a week in the Halfway House things started look up. I started to see the benefits of this idea. The time out of the home turmoil was welcomed. I had a place to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I had the space to bounce my thoughts and feelings off other house-mates and share in their struggles and feelings. The things I resented like the instructions, rules and the like became so insignificant in the greater scheme of things.

The sharing time, the team effort to keep the house clean, cooking and sharing became such a wonderful experience. The reintegration foundation started to form and I realised that this time was an investment into the rest of my “normal” life. I could heal on my terms and had the support to get me through this phase of my life. I started feeling safe in the house and started contributing positively. The more effort I put into playing my part the more I got out of the investment. This was home away from home and family away from family. I was no longer trying to face the world on my own and I found that my house-mates started contributing to my recovery and influencing my ‘clean time’. I started doing the same in return and my self-worth barometer started moving in the right direction. The more I gave the more I received from the experienced.

The rules I resented so much started making sense to me. It was my addictive mind that was feeling threatened by the sense of order and had to be re-trained. Discipline was not a sense of failure but rather a trait in humility. I lacked humility as an addicted and needed an environment to change this behaviour. The Halfway House allowed me that privilege but I had to see it for what it was – A helping- hand to a better life. Once I got past that hurdle the rest became so special and pure. My space became my laboratory and the NA and AA literature my tools to a better life. The rules made me a better human being worthy of a better life.
I transformed from an irrational hot-headed addict to rational thinking human being willing to have meaningful dialogue with my family. I also realised that my family grew in their space without me and started missing me too. The away time did us all good and the peace of mind of this protected environment allowed the “worry” to be replaced by “healing”. This time has been about me for me to be a better person for the world.

There is sanity in all that seem madness in recovery. For me this experience in the Halfway House was but one of those. To all addicts suffering to heal in a volatile environment, consider the safety and sanity of a Halfway House to rebuild you body and soul. The benefits in your new life, if you follow the rules, will be priceless.